Stuff Even I Can't Make Up: Blabbing Bimbos, USHLS Keep Cartoons Characters Safe From Child Sex Abuse, Moonlighting Is Okay for Judges As Long As They Remain Unfunny and Surprise! Someone Got Angry in an Anger Management Class..

For a little light reading, I thought I would take you for a short tour of what I found funny (that's to read funny strange not funny HA HA! I will admit there is some overlap however)

1. For the last time People, If you are going to "Kiss and Tell" DON"T DO IT ON THE INTERNET!!!
Exhibit One: A woman fighting for child support admits on Facebook that her child is not her husband's.
To quote our friends at ABA Journal News "...one mom posted photos of her children during a custody battle, eliciting a comment from a friend that they didn't look much like her husband. Her response: That's because they're not his." That was smart...
Exhibit Two: Another Duke University Sex Scandal.
An apparently Jock sniffing College Co-ed from Duke University decided it would be a cute idea to make a "Power Point Presentation" of her sexual hi-jinx while an undergrad at Duke University. She ranked 13 lovers, all jocks (many Lacrosse players btw) and was very "explicit" in her descriptions of the guys and the activities she and they engaged in. She sent it by e-mail to three friends and "Surprise" it got sent all over the net!!!
(Yeah like she didn't mean to leak it so that she would get the obligatory book opportunity and Playboy spread.)

I think the kids at Duke may have too much time on their hands. How in the hell do they keep getting that US News and World Report Ranking given that they can't seem to shut up??? What ever happened to discretion being the better part of Valor?? In the interest of truth in journalism, I admit, I could have been subject number 12... okay maybe not but a guy can dream can't he?? (You can read the whole report and see the pictures with blackened out faces here)

2. Your United States Bureau of Homeland Security: Keeping "Toon Town" Safe for Cartoon Kids. Now if they could only protect America.
Radley Balko of the "Agitator", one of my favorite bloggers, has put the only headline I could think of on a case of Simpson cartoon characters in sexual positions causing a conviction for Possession of Child Pornography (yeah you read that right.) In his blog post

Worst. Prosecution. Ever.

Radley describes a prosecution where the only "Images" were cartoon characters... Better get rid of any "Fritz the Cat" videos you downloaded.
I read the press release from the US Justice Dept. trying to decipher the real reason they brought this prosecution... If it weren't so true of the way some of these folks think, I'd have laughed. Here is the Money Quote: “We aggressively use our investigative authorities to protect our communities from those who seek to sexually exploit children for their own perverse gratification,” said Leigh Winchell, special agent in charge of ICE Homeland Security Investigations. “HSI continues to dedicate resources to identify those individuals who engage in this type of criminal behavior and ensure they are brought to justice.”
I am so very happy no moreTOON TOWN characters will be sexually exploited for someone's perverse sexual gratification, now could you use some of these funds you WASTED on this prosecution to freaking solve a crime in MY HOMELAND?? You know, a real crime not a cartoon crime... Maybe find some guy like, oh I don't know... OSAMA BIN LADENmaybe??? Where is Bob Hoskins when he is really needed
While on this same topic, If you happen to be a boss (say the Editor of "Innovation" at the Chicago Tribune, maybe it is not a good idea to use company e-mail to distribute a link to a website that has a fake newscast showing women in various stages of inebriation and undress... I'm just sayin'.
In this time of political correctness, all employers need to be more "sensitive", still I can't help feeling like this guy would still have a job if he wasn't always sending these kind of weird things out.
Hattip: NY TIMES

3. Judges in NY have not received a raise (Not even cost of living) in almost two decades. That is not only inconceivable but downright unfair to them and to the citizens (A well funded judiciary is essential to a nation of laws.) So to fix the problem, we gave them a raise right? NOOOOOO!
We will now allow them to "Moonlight". I can see it now:

Attorney: I have another witness your Honor
Judge: I'm sorry, I have to give the Katz kid a piano lesson at 5:15 on the dot. Otherwise I won't be able to tutor the Smith kid in Math at 6:30. Oh by the way, your decision on that stay of the death penalty? I won't have it done till tomorrow afternoon...
Attorney: Uh Your Honor, my client is due to be executed at 12AM tonight...
Judge: Hmmm well maybe if I skip dinner I can finish it by 11:45PM.

Oh yeah it seems that one job a judge can not have is doing "stand up" comedy... Has anyone read some of the decisions they write... KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE... REALLY... :)
Hattip: ABA Journal News Today.

4. From the Bureau of "I Don't Think She Gets It" comes this little ditty "Woman Stabs Another Attendee at Anger Management Class"
That's right, Faribah Maradiaga 19, stabbed a fellow classmate in her anger management class.
Wanna know what they were arguing about??
Men?
Kids?
Obamacare?
Here is your money quote: "A dispute over the value of a video on anger management being shown to the class sparked a war of words..." I guess that video wasn't as good as they thought it might be.

Okay and for those of you who stuck around this long, My old blogger friend Ken Lammers who was a defense attorney and is now a prosecutor (KENNY KENNY KENNY) has been touted as one of the "Hot Law Enforcement Types." Go visit his blog and vote for the picture you think is hotter, Summertime Head-shaven Ken, or Winter Sensitive bearded Ken. Tell him I sent you.

Oh yeah, If you liked this post, let me know. Leave a note on here or on Facebook.

And on a more serious note, if You or someone you know has been accused of Assault, Child Pornography Possession, or Sexual Harassment at work or at school, it is no laughing matter. It is also nothing to handle without the help of a good lawyer. I am more than willing to speak to anybody who needs help with this or any myriad of legal problems. You can reach me here

Seems We White Collar Criminal Defense Attorneys Are a Hot Date Commodity. Why? Cause we are IN DEMAND. Who Knew? You Should!!

I found this little tidbit about finding wealthy guys for "gold digging" girls. It says that if you want to find wealthy guys hang out with lawyers...But not just any lawyers. No only Bankruptcy and White Collar Criminal Defense Lawyers. I just told my wife I am a hot commodity... she seems somewhat shall we say nonplussed...

Whether of not you are a "golddigger" White collar criminal defense lawyers are a good group with which to hang out. They are bright tough, and if you get one that is not afraid to try a case, interesting. The best of us know that the most important thing we can do is keep our clients out of the paper and unindicted. Hence the time to find a White Collar Criminal Defense Lawyer here on Long Island or in New York City, is as soon as you realize you could be (not may be or are) in trouble. Often you will be surprised to learn how few Nassau and Suffolk County Criminal Defense Lawyers are really White Collar Criminal Defense Lawyers. You need a Criminal Lawyer who is just as comfortable in State as in Federal court and you need one who knows how to conduct a money investigation as well as handle the criminal courtroom and the public.

I have taken on Ponzi scheme cases, as well as stock frauds. wire and mail frauds, and of course their by-product money laundering cases. I know that handling the press and getting a good face on the client in the court of public opinion is very important. Hence we work with our own Public Relation staff, media people and social workers to present our client well in the media and to the court. Judicious use of jury selection experts and a team approach to investigation and trial is another key aspect of what I think makes my firm different from most other Long Island (and even many New York City) White Collar Criminal Defense firms.

An additional worry for many White Collar Defendants is that even if they survive the criminal prosecution, they face lower standards for losing their licenses. Lawyers, Brokers, CPA's and even Notaries need to look for lawyers who have handled not only criminal cases, not only White Collar Criminal cases but also lawyers who have appeared before Grievance committees, NASD and SEC boards and the state education department. They need to find attorneys who have helped others hold onto the licenses after those individuals have been accused or even investigated for crimes.

Now a sentencing expert is not going to help Bernie Madoff too much. But when a White Collar Criminal Defendant is looking for a criminal defense team, especially in the federal Second Circuit (which encompasses New York Brooklyn Queens Nassau and Suffolk Counties), they should also be concerned with how much that trial lawyer knows about the Federal and State Sentencing guidelines. Working the guidelines and understanding the cases (such as Booker and FanFan and their progeny) is a key to avoiding lengthy prison sentences.

In all, I really enjoy working on White Collar Criminal Defense cases in New York and on Long Island. They provide a tremendous legal challenge and a personal challenge too. They require I reinforce to the jury that the clients are not bad people and that they are the same as those before whom they are called. They are just men and women who were trying to make an honest buck when a roof caved in.

It is also important to keep before the jury, that it is not the job of the white collar defendant to stop people from making mistakes with their money, it is their job to offer legitimate opportunities, explain the risks accurately and then let the chips fall where they may.

If you or someone you love is charged with a White Collar Crime whether in New York City or in Nassau or Suffolk counties, I would love to consult with you, or them, about it to see if we may help.
You can call us at 516-741-3400 24/7or reach out to us on this blog.

This Week Around the Blogosphere: Good Trial Technique Suggestions and the Case of Julie Amero.

I know I am supposed to get this out on Sundays but with the Tony(c) awards and the Giants and Jets both in first place in their divisions and my weekly haul up to Albany to handle Depositions in a Civil Rights cases there, I am a little behind. So lets get to them.


Blonde Justice has started a series on trial prep. Blondie usually keeps her posts light and talky but she is clearly a good attorney and has a lot to share and I am always happy to see her share her valuable knowledge with us.

In Reason Magazine online, TONY(c) AWARD WINNER IN NEWS Radley Balko hits a home run with this post on the strange case of Julie Amero, the middle school substitute teacher accused of endangering the welfare of minors when X-Rated Popup ads for X-rated websites kept attacking her computer at school and she couldn't or didn't shut it down fast enough for the kiddies not to see (wonder how many of these suburban yuppie kids have the Playboy Channel plugged into their homes on cable?) Anyway, when the techies found out that the poor lady might go to jail because she had malware on her computer they helped her fight back against the puritanical Conn. State's Attorney's office. They won. Balko was a part of that fight. After looking at my stat counter from last week, it seems he is a good guy to have on your side.

As a lawyer who is constantly fighting the fight to keep good people from being labeled sex fiends by Megan Law Crazy prosecutors, in the latest Internet sex persecution, I mean Prosecution, scam, I appreciate the work done in the Amero case by the experts who came to her aid. Read the article. It is a good one.

Prolific blogger and lawyer Robert Ambrogi has put up his list of the Top 10 Expert Witness cases of the Year 2008 here. I would like to add the case of Shorty Rodrieguez where yours truly kept the governments ballistics expert from testifying on "muzzle to wound" Distance in a gun-shot case.

Winning Trial Advocacy Blog has this very good advice about taking time each month to look at your active files and make sure T's are crossed and i's are dotted. It may seem like simple advice but it is a good idea to do a regular file review and see what you have missed or what else you can do on a case. It will certainly impress the clients that you are so up to date on their files.

Last but not least was this macabre and odd little story in Time Magaizine online, about an actor who almost killed himself onstage when someone put a real knife out where the prop should have been a fake knife. In the play the actor slits his throat but this was for real.
People just didn't know it. Scary.
In the actor's next role, his character dies by gunshot wound to the head... as Time suggests, Someone ought to check out that gun first...

Ok most of the leads for these stories come from Twitter. If you are not on Twitter.com, What are you waiting for???" and if you are on Twitter, YOU BEST BE FOLLOWING ME!!! LOL

Craig's List is a Hotbed of Online Prostitution: So Who Knew??

This must be the week for Prostitution on blogs. Instapundit sites this article about the (sewer/treasure trove{?}) that Craig's List Erotic Service Section has become in the search for "sex on the run." I think the comments below the article are interesting however.

For example:

"Posted by whb on October 5, 2008 at 2:53 a.m.

It is illegal to pay to have sex, but it is legal to pay to watch people who are paid to have sex, i.e., a porno film.

As porno films are legal to buy and watch, they should therefore be legal to make (can't have one without the other).

So, all these professionals should advertise for a co-star in an upcoming film and set up a camera at the meeting location. This should legitimize the transaction, and the police can then focus their attention on something worthwhile."

I have had this thought myself a number of times. There are issues that the "service provider" would have to resolve but it is an interesting idea. (Let me know what you think in the comments section.)

Anyway, the comments to the article seem to indicate that even in "Bible Belt" Tenn. people get the idea that maybe law enforcement ought to be doing something other than chasing down randy adult men (and the adults who make money off of meeting their sex drive).

What these citizens do not realize (and I am surprised the Instapundit doesn't point out) is that these Prostitution stings are funded by good 'ole Uncle Sam. That's right, special funding is coming from the Justice Department (by way of The Trafficking Victims Protection Act of 2000, to local police departments that arrest these people. That puts cops off the street and takes local police department eyes off of the real crime in their cities and towns.

What's worse is The William Wilberforce Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act also known as HR.3887. This little baby wants to federalize the crime of prostitution. Can you imagine the increase in the US Justice Dept. budget if we did that?? Where will we get the personnel to deal with important stuff like Terrorist, Organized crime and Wall Street criminals? The scary thing is a version of the bill passed the House 405-02 in 2006! In fact the Justice Dept. opposes HR.3887

It is all part of the Neo-con game of keeping the Religious Right enraptured. No money expenditure is too large if it makes some televangelist happy...

Sex in the News: A quick look at Cyber Crimes and Prostitution in the Newspapers.

A sizable portion of my law practice deals with representing people accused of sex crimes on Long Island (Nassau & Suffolk Counties) and in New York City (especially in the boroughs of Manhattan and Queens. Since I have found the Tweetdeck, I can do a lot of research as to what is happening around the country (and world)in practice areas that I focus on. Since I am starting a Burglary trial in Queens tomorrow, and I expect my blogging to suffer as usual, I am going to leave a few of the articles making news in the Sex Crime area with you.

The InquisitR reports that the Feds have charged a Gainsville Florida college student with violating the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act for installing a spy cam on a number of female college students computers after they had paid him to repair their hardware. Seems he was able to program the computer to start and send him pictures when the girls moved near the computer. Now that is Spyware at its absolute worst.

Then in Provo Utah, we have a randy doctor allegedly willing to exchange meds for sex. He was arrested for Prostitution. It is not determined if this was a straight trade Sex for meds or if in addition to prostitution, he was distributing meds illegally. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "check up".

Staying with the prostitution scheme for a while, we have MSNBC reporting that a mother and daughter team was running a brothel out of their apartment. The women advertised their services on Craigslist (which is like extending an invitation to Police to come and arrest you). The pair ages 22 and 39 were renting a home for the past year. Neighbors complained about the pair. The mother, distraught at the arrest blamed the economy for forcing them into a life of Prostitution. Now that leads us to our last story in this roundup:

The Edmonton Sun News reports that according to some social workers Prostitution is an addiction disease and that breaking the addiction is the key to leaving the Sex Trade. I am not sure that the paper or the shrinks have it right.
If we are talking an addiction to sex, then that would be Nymphomania. I think however, what the Sun is describing is an addiction to the money and life style of the high price prostitute or GFE Escort . The act of being a prostitute is just the tool to feed the addiction rather than the addiction itself. It is like saying that a burglar is addicted to burglary because he uses the money he gets to fund his drug habit. Now the issue of the addiction to dangerous sex or even the excitement of potentially being arrested is another part of this "prostitution addiction" however, I would say that at least in the escort world, that is not a prevalent factor to women entering the trade. The suggestion may be that this addiction is more applicable to street prostitutes, however the money there is far from easy nor is the life glamorous. Anyway, it will be interesting to see if the Edmonton initiative has an effect of reducing prostitution in any meaningful way.

Finally if you are looking for more information on Sex crimes, In addition to contacting me or keeping an eye on our blog, I want to recommend the Sex Crimes Blog to you. It is a wealth of information.

That Lawyer Dude Is Cited in Newsday On The North Babylon "Wilding" or "Hopping" Incident

Big week for being cited by the MSM (Main Stream Media, as opposed to the blogging community)for That Lawyer Dude. First Fox.com and now these two stories in Newsday today.
The topic (sadly) is a wilding incident where three young women attacked another girl for no apparent reason (evidently it had something to do with a boy.)
Though the child who got beaten was not hurt, the incident passed by every one's notice until one of the kids or their friends put it up on the Internet. It went on some one's My Space.com and now it is all over the place.

The three aggressors have been suspended from school and now they are being prosecuted. I must admit if you see the video it looks pretty violent...then again assaults always seems violent. There is hair pulling and pinching and punching and pushing and probably a whole bunch of other stuff too (I think I saw kicking.)

On the other hand, it pretty much looks like every other fight I have ever seen. Whether it is now worth a criminal investigation is really questionable, but now that it is front page news, well we gotta have an investigation. Damn the expense there is a chance to be on a front page (or on Larry King Live.)

Now you maybe wondering why since I was quoted extensively I would be complaining. Well because the only reason anyone cares about this is because it is in the newspapers and on TV. I was shocked to see how little the interviewers (I was also vetted by CNN for their programs but I guess I wasn't willing to make enough out of it to be interesting to their viewers so they had Dr? Laura Schlessinger on to rant about our kids run amok.)

The incident does raise a lot of issues, but the least one is whether these kids need to be prosecuted. The girls have been suspended from school. This is even though the incident did not happen at their school or during school hours. It wasn't even an attack on a girl who goes to their school.

The issues I think are important are:
1. Why would they attack a girl 3 on 1?
2. Why did they film it?
3. After filming it, why did they put it up on one of their web pages?
4. What effect did reality TV playing in this?
5. What effect did violent entertainment (ie video games, TV, Movies etc)play here?
6. What if any responsibility does the hosting website have in this mess?
7. Why aren't the parents of these youngsters monitoring and editing their websites.

That kids fight, well, sadly that happens. Further it is probably age appropriate for 11-14 year olds. If I had been the principal, after I learned they had put the thing on the web, I too would have suspended the girls so that they would not be a distraction to other students. Had the item not appeared on the web and I learned of it I would have ordered peer counseling which has remarkable results on bullying, more than any other counseling I have seen in this age group when done correctly.

What makes this really scary, is the need of the girls to publically humiliate their victim, and to boast of their own violence on the Internet.

Our practice handles a lot of Internet/Cyber Crime. Up until lately that has been limited to Pornography, illegal Internet Gambling, Identity Theft, and of course Sexual Abuse. The addition of children (these are 13 and 14 year old girls) using the net to posit and boast or threaten other children is a burgeoning field. Every week we are getting more and more e-mails and phone calls about cyberstalking and calling people out.

It is in posts on My Space. It is not just on the weirdo sites anymore. It is on YouTube. There has always been a market for "backyard fighting" and such. These wilding incidents are just a push of the limits as to how far we will go to both protect the internet from censorship and to what controls we as adults will use to control our own kids.

For now, I am more a reporter of fact than I am a commentator. As a parent, and a lawyer I will tell other parents they have a right to snoop and check up on the internet use of their kids. Even so, there are limits how successful we can be. Our ability to monitor is difinitively going to be reduced as technology skyrockets. The new I-phones for example will be a huge test for us. When kids have them, even parents who are conscientious can easily loose track and control. Kids understand the technology much better than we do. These new smart phones will give kids access to the internet 24-7-365. Even the best of us cannot monitor that.

If we cannot monitor, what can we do?
*Well, for starters we can force internet companies like YouTube and My Space to take more responsiblity for monitoring their sites.

*We can to the best of our abilities monitor the sites our children use on the home or their personal computors.

*We can require the cellular phone companies provide us with detail bills of whom are children are sending text messages and MMS and other types of messages to.

*We can require e-mail to provide us with passwords to monitor our kids e-mail.

*Most importantly we can require that we talk to our kids. We need to find out if they are miffed at someone or if they are being threatened by someone. We can take phone calls from other parents who say their kid is afraid of our kids seriously. We can refuse to allow our kids to speak to us as they do thier friends. We can require civility.

*We can teach our kids about peace and love and even a higher power. We can stop eschewing formal religion and practice the ethics of the religion we adopt. We can be home when the kids get home, and we can be up and awake when they walk through the door.

Knowing that they will have to face us, and answer a host of imposing questions (like who were you with?, and where were you?, and what did you do?, etc) will be enough to slow most kids down. If nothing else, it's a start.