Stuff Even I Can't Make Up: Blabbing Bimbos, USHLS Keep Cartoons Characters Safe From Child Sex Abuse, Moonlighting Is Okay for Judges As Long As They Remain Unfunny and Surprise! Someone Got Angry in an Anger Management Class..

For a little light reading, I thought I would take you for a short tour of what I found funny (that's to read funny strange not funny HA HA! I will admit there is some overlap however)

1. For the last time People, If you are going to "Kiss and Tell" DON"T DO IT ON THE INTERNET!!!
Exhibit One: A woman fighting for child support admits on Facebook that her child is not her husband's.
To quote our friends at ABA Journal News "...one mom posted photos of her children during a custody battle, eliciting a comment from a friend that they didn't look much like her husband. Her response: That's because they're not his." That was smart...
Exhibit Two: Another Duke University Sex Scandal.
An apparently Jock sniffing College Co-ed from Duke University decided it would be a cute idea to make a "Power Point Presentation" of her sexual hi-jinx while an undergrad at Duke University. She ranked 13 lovers, all jocks (many Lacrosse players btw) and was very "explicit" in her descriptions of the guys and the activities she and they engaged in. She sent it by e-mail to three friends and "Surprise" it got sent all over the net!!!
(Yeah like she didn't mean to leak it so that she would get the obligatory book opportunity and Playboy spread.)

I think the kids at Duke may have too much time on their hands. How in the hell do they keep getting that US News and World Report Ranking given that they can't seem to shut up??? What ever happened to discretion being the better part of Valor?? In the interest of truth in journalism, I admit, I could have been subject number 12... okay maybe not but a guy can dream can't he?? (You can read the whole report and see the pictures with blackened out faces here)

2. Your United States Bureau of Homeland Security: Keeping "Toon Town" Safe for Cartoon Kids. Now if they could only protect America.
Radley Balko of the "Agitator", one of my favorite bloggers, has put the only headline I could think of on a case of Simpson cartoon characters in sexual positions causing a conviction for Possession of Child Pornography (yeah you read that right.) In his blog post

Worst. Prosecution. Ever.

Radley describes a prosecution where the only "Images" were cartoon characters... Better get rid of any "Fritz the Cat" videos you downloaded.
I read the press release from the US Justice Dept. trying to decipher the real reason they brought this prosecution... If it weren't so true of the way some of these folks think, I'd have laughed. Here is the Money Quote: “We aggressively use our investigative authorities to protect our communities from those who seek to sexually exploit children for their own perverse gratification,” said Leigh Winchell, special agent in charge of ICE Homeland Security Investigations. “HSI continues to dedicate resources to identify those individuals who engage in this type of criminal behavior and ensure they are brought to justice.”
I am so very happy no moreTOON TOWN characters will be sexually exploited for someone's perverse sexual gratification, now could you use some of these funds you WASTED on this prosecution to freaking solve a crime in MY HOMELAND?? You know, a real crime not a cartoon crime... Maybe find some guy like, oh I don't know... OSAMA BIN LADENmaybe??? Where is Bob Hoskins when he is really needed
While on this same topic, If you happen to be a boss (say the Editor of "Innovation" at the Chicago Tribune, maybe it is not a good idea to use company e-mail to distribute a link to a website that has a fake newscast showing women in various stages of inebriation and undress... I'm just sayin'.
In this time of political correctness, all employers need to be more "sensitive", still I can't help feeling like this guy would still have a job if he wasn't always sending these kind of weird things out.
Hattip: NY TIMES

3. Judges in NY have not received a raise (Not even cost of living) in almost two decades. That is not only inconceivable but downright unfair to them and to the citizens (A well funded judiciary is essential to a nation of laws.) So to fix the problem, we gave them a raise right? NOOOOOO!
We will now allow them to "Moonlight". I can see it now:

Attorney: I have another witness your Honor
Judge: I'm sorry, I have to give the Katz kid a piano lesson at 5:15 on the dot. Otherwise I won't be able to tutor the Smith kid in Math at 6:30. Oh by the way, your decision on that stay of the death penalty? I won't have it done till tomorrow afternoon...
Attorney: Uh Your Honor, my client is due to be executed at 12AM tonight...
Judge: Hmmm well maybe if I skip dinner I can finish it by 11:45PM.

Oh yeah it seems that one job a judge can not have is doing "stand up" comedy... Has anyone read some of the decisions they write... KIDDING IT WAS A JOKE... REALLY... :)
Hattip: ABA Journal News Today.

4. From the Bureau of "I Don't Think She Gets It" comes this little ditty "Woman Stabs Another Attendee at Anger Management Class"
That's right, Faribah Maradiaga 19, stabbed a fellow classmate in her anger management class.
Wanna know what they were arguing about??
Men?
Kids?
Obamacare?
Here is your money quote: "A dispute over the value of a video on anger management being shown to the class sparked a war of words..." I guess that video wasn't as good as they thought it might be.

Okay and for those of you who stuck around this long, My old blogger friend Ken Lammers who was a defense attorney and is now a prosecutor (KENNY KENNY KENNY) has been touted as one of the "Hot Law Enforcement Types." Go visit his blog and vote for the picture you think is hotter, Summertime Head-shaven Ken, or Winter Sensitive bearded Ken. Tell him I sent you.

Oh yeah, If you liked this post, let me know. Leave a note on here or on Facebook.

And on a more serious note, if You or someone you know has been accused of Assault, Child Pornography Possession, or Sexual Harassment at work or at school, it is no laughing matter. It is also nothing to handle without the help of a good lawyer. I am more than willing to speak to anybody who needs help with this or any myriad of legal problems. You can reach me here

Around The Blogosphere The Week of November 11, 2008 Part III of III* : Of Women, Music and All That Jazz.

*I know I previously said four. I reserve the right to consolidate because I am tired.

Here is my last installment from the Week of November 11, 2008.

1.Two Sex-Workers Talk About the Sex Trade.(Links are NSFW).

I spend a lot of time representing men and women who are involved in the Business of Sex. Some of their pursuits are legal, some not legal, some straddle the boarder. Occasionally I write about the experience. I also however keep up with what some of the people in the provider and "hobbyist" side of the field are saying.

This week the New York City Sex Bloggers rolled out their 2009 "pinup"calendar to benefit the Sex Workers Awareness (an education and outreach program)which I am told is a non-profit organization I have seen the way people treat Sex workers. I have seen the way that police discount them and how they have been marginalized though many are smart and hard working mothers, caretakers, students, and just regular folk. I would not treat a dog the way our criminal justice system treats these people. Hence I am giving their calendar a shout out here. I would have been at the rollout party last night but for a pressing and late breaking personal issue.

Meanwhile I thought I would highlight two posts from Sex Workers blogs.

A. This one at "The Real Princess Diaries" is about the way most sex-workers view their clientele. It doesn't apply to all and it doesn't apply to the entire strata anymore than any opinion piece can sum up the position of all workers in any field. It is indicative of how most of the clients I have see the scene.

B. Renegade Evolution is a blog, and from what I can gather a person too. She is a sex blogger and worker. She is opinionated, blunt and usually succinct. In this post she talks about a fact in the sex field that makes it hard to help sex workers (providers) and stops them from uniting. It is the Sex Worker Caste System and I see it everyday.

Stop a topless dancer and tell her she is a sex worker, she will tell you she is involved in a legal business and she is a good girl but that escorts are whores. She will tell you all she does is expose her body and people give her money for the privilege of seeing the Hand of God in her beauty.

The High end Escort will tell you that the stripper is the real whore, selling her body and teasing her clients for a buck here or there. She on the other hand does not expose herself before countless others. She only "dates" nice wealthy men who she would likely sleep with anyway if they met under other circumstances. In addition unlike the Porn star or stripper, her work is done in private and is "confidential".

The Porn Star thinks they are both insane. She will tell you she sleeps with men she knows and many whom she loves, she makes a lot of money far more than the others and she is engaged in a safe and legal field where the women call a lot of the shots.

Renegade Evolution thinks they should put away the Bull and unite to help each other. I have to say I agree with her. It is about time workers in the field get out of each others way, acknowledge the business they are all in and try to improve conditions for all. The fight is like criminal lawyers not acknowledging the work of litigators or transactional lawyers. It is all law just different...

2..The Music Scene

A. Wynton Marsalis and Jazz at Lincoln Center (JALC) have been celebrating Louis Armstrong and Thelonious Monk. Two of my all time favs. Here is a link to the post about the Armstrong speech and this one on e nights of Thelonious Monk tribute concerts.

B. Probation in Plea Deal for Blogger Who Leaked Guns N’ Roses Songs. Blogger streamed 9 G'n R songs on his blog, busted for the Copyright Infringement. Getting Probation, hasn't told where he got the songs from... still may however. I wonder if he had streamed only snippets of each song if that would have been protected speech??? IP Genius' any ideas?

C. "Tuba Man" Murdered by Teens, Seattle Mourns

Every city has a person or two who are as big if not bigger than that city itself. He is half village idiot, half sage, but he is beloved and the city adopts him. In NY it is the "Naked Cowboy", In San Francisco it's Frank Chu, In Washington DC it is President Bush, but in Seattle Washington it was Edward Scott McMichael aka "Tuba Man". He was a "busker" a man who made his living making his music on the streets. He was a guy who seemed to pop up everywhere, asking "DO YOU WANT TO BE A PART OF IT?? Who didn't want to be a part of it. He could take your worst day and make you smile with the "Um pa pa" of the Tuba.

"Tuba Man" was murdered allegedly by a group of teens who didn't recognize him. He didn't have his Tuba with him that day.
Story from the NY Times

Money Quote: “Ed would ask in his unmistakable baritone, ‘John, do you want to be a part of it tonight?’ ” Mr. Tangeman recalled. “This statement was part of the genius of Ed, as if contributing to Ed’s efforts, one was not only being a part of Ed’s life but being a part of something much larger, something almost unobtainable.”

That's it for now. I may or may not post another part later. If I do, consider this III of IV. Otherwise, who knows.

The "Mouse" in the House is a "Rat": Disney Flogs Cyrus and Lebowitz While Selling Sleaze Abroad

Disney jumped all over poor Miley Cyrus and celebrity photog Annie Leibowitz for taking pictures of Cyrus while her upper body was under a silk sheet and her back was exposed. Religious Righters who must make up a majority of Disney stockholders and allegedly the parents of Hannah Montana fans, completely forgetting their youth, freaked out over pictures that wouldn't steam up the windows of a hot house. All the while these Disney guys were selling underwear by laying a 12-13 year old model wearing nothing but a bra and panties on a BILLBOARD in China... Freaking hypocrites. As usual Disney was Shocked Shocked that a local distributor would do such a thing... but of course the Disney rep couldn't help but account for differences in cultures because China has a 14 year old age of consent as opposed to 16 here in the states... Check this out and read more in Slate. I think I smell a Rat...

Justice Department Doesn't Need More Money, It Needs To Get It's Priorities Straight: That Lawyer Dude's Solution To Justice's Staffing Problem

Seems that budget problems in Washington D.C. are creating a hiring freeze of sort at the big three Law-enforcement agencies; The FBI, The DEA and ATFE (formerly ATF the guys that brought us WACO.) According to the Beltway Brains, the failure to increase the budget on these agencies is costing us in the crucial areas of fighting violent crime and terrorism. Their answer of course is to pass a spending bill that increases the budgets for these agencies instead of stop-gap spending bills that create an inability to plan and hire more "troops." Well far be it from me to suggest that Congress shouldn't do its job and pass a budget. As for increasing the budget for the Justice Department to squander... well lets just say I have a better idea.

How about we scale back the DOJ budget and get the Justice Department to stop trying to enforce laws that the states should be enforcing? Additionally, how about we stop using federal funds to look into things that are the pet peeves of the political elite... like say Pornography? Yeah, lets take the Forty or so agents (and their staffs) whose job it is to scour the internet for porn (not child porn mind you but adult porn) to look at dirty movies and put them to work fighting Al Qaeda? In fact we can use the porn tapes they've been buying to torture the Al Qaeda operatives we capture. Instead of Water-boarding, they have to watch Mary Carey movies until they break. Sure it's cruel, but then again, think of how much we will save on the cellophane. After all the movies are reusable. Believe it or not, after watching the porn, the agents need psychological help which our government then has to provide.

The Justice Department's budget is OUT OF CONTROL because the Neo-conservatives have a basic misunderstanding of the Tenth Amendment to the US Constitution. (They need to read this and study these.) Unfortunately, so do democrats and liberals. Hence the Democrat Senator Barbra Mikulski (who chairs a panel that oversees funding of the Justice Department) is saying stupid things like

"Without a budget in place, "the FBI and DOJ will not be able to maintain the operations tempo they've achieved since Sept. 11."

Instead of saying smart things like:

"Without a change in priorities the FBI and DOJ will not be able to maintain the operations tempo in fighting Terror and Violence that they achieved since 9-11."

Talk about the fox guarding the hen house. Hey Barbra, instead of telling me how much money the Justice Department should get; first you do that "oversight thing" your supposed to do and find out what DOJ uses the money they are getting for, and then after evaluating that, you decide how much they should get for their next go around.

We cannot afford to keep looking to Washington DC to fight every battle that someone thinks needs to be fought. If people in Pittsburgh think porn is a bad thing and should be fought, let them pay for that privilege. In NYC we have bigger things to worry about. Porn is not even on the first fifty pages of the list. Al Queda doesn't even know Pittsburgh exists. I wish I could say the same about Manhattan.